Circumcision and my potential future son

I'm not sure of everyone's view on circ, but if you're easily offended, look away.
First off, I did not mutilate my daughter's genitals..so why would I mutilate my son's?
Yes, I truly think it's mutilation.
I don't care if he looks like the other boys, if he has a "pretty penis", or any of those excuses..
I mean, if it's 100% medically NECESSARY, yes, I'd do it..but I'd do a LOT of research before making any decision. I won't just say "Oh..it's needed? Okay. Chop away"
because the hospital told me pitocin was needed..and breaking my water.. among other things.
And it didn't end well.
My son would remain intact, and within just a few years, he will be among the majority.
I have friends who have circ'd, and quite frankly we've had conversations about circumcision..and their reasons make me laugh.
"His daddy is" Okay... So if your arm is amputated, should we amputate your daughter's? No? Why not?
"Intact is gross looking" You sure about that? From what I hear, they look the same when erect, and the sex is better with an intact man. And, might I remind you, a vagina isn't very pretty.. Should we cut that off?
"Everyone does it" Not true. Actually, more and more mothers are choosing to leave their sons intact!
"Intact is dirty" Yeah..if you don't bathe.. Should we remove his ears? Ever noticed just how dirty a newborn infant's palm creases get? And their toes.. and once they're older, their mouth??

But, in the end, I just go by this.. It's HIS body, not mine. I have no right to choose what body parts he is allowed to keep and what parts I want gone.. unless medically necessary.
And circumcision is NOT medically necessary (most of the time)

Haven't Been Posting Lately..

Sorry for not posting lately! Here's an update!
Ashlynn is doing wonderfully. She hasn't really learned anything super new other than new words, but she spits new words out daily and then never repeats them! She did develop an obsession with the word "shoes", but has since stopped saying it unless prompted.
One morning she came up to me with both my shoes and handed them to me going "Shoes?"
"Yes Ashlynn, those are shoes. Thank you"
I took them, put them on the floor and she picked them back up!
"Shoes!"
"Yes, Shoes. Please put them down, Sweetheart"
"Shoes...?"
"Yes, Shoes. Good Job! Can you put them down?"
She kept forcing me to take them, so I finally gave in and put them beside me on the couch, practically in my lap. She's very demanding!
She's also thinned out quite a bit, still in size 18 months..and get this one.. she has size 3 shoes that fit a bit tight, but not too tight..and size SIX shoes that fit and are only slightly loose! Makes no sense to me! Haha. Two pairs are from Walmart (size 3), not sure of the brand, and the other is a pair of crocs (the size 6). She also has 2 pairs of summer sandals in a size 6 from The Children's Place that also fit quite well..
Odd.
She has CURLS in her still very short hair now, which I love! Only in the back though, same as my hair when I was a child.

As for me, I'm hanging in there.
Things aren't going well between the girlfriend and I, sadly. Our communication is terrible and she's been withdrawing lately.
I'm also going on medication for my Depression and OCD because they've gotten unmanageable without medication. It's upsetting, but it's for the best. I will be going on something breastfeeding safe, since I'm still nursing Ashlynn 3-5x a day, sometimes more.
They think it MAY be bipolar, given my cycles of exhaustion and insomnia, but time will only tell on that. If it is in fact bipolar, I will have to prematurely wean Ashlynn. Mood stabilizers are not breastfeeding safe, sadly.

That's about it for the update :) Hope everyone is doing well!
I may take a break from blogging, depending on various factors in day to day life.
Sorry! :(

Update!

It's been a while since I posted..
I guess I've been a bit busy with school and being a mommy.
So this post will be dedicated to Ashlynn's current standing with development!
I believe at this point she's at around an 18 month level, going by this; (things she can do are bolded)

His Physical Development…Motor Skills

Your 18 month old child…

• Is able to walk regularly and stop safely, without sitting down
  quickly
• Can climb forward into an adult chair and then turn round and sit
• Is able to kneel upright without help
• Squats to pick up a toy
• Moves without support from a squatting position to standing
• Uses a delicate pincer grasp to pick up very small objects
• Uses spoon when feeding himself
• Holds a pencil in his whole hand or between the thumb and the first two fingers...primitive tri-pod grasp
• Is able to scribble to and fro with a pencil on paper
• Can thread large beads onto a lace or string (We haven't tried this yet)
  
• Can control his wrist movement to manipulate objects
• Moves small objects from a bottle by turning it upside-down
• Points to familiar objects
• Builds a tower of three or more bricks.

His Sensory/Intellectual Development

• Can identify known people at a distance
  
• Is aware that he is looking at himself in the mirror (I'm not sure about this one)
  
• No longer explore things in his mouth.

His Language Development

• Is aware of the names of parts of his body, and can point to them when asked (She can do it on the doggy, but not herself)
  
• Uses 6-40 recognizable words and understand many more…but the word mostly used is 'no' (Her favorite word is actually "This", still..
  
• Uses signs and gestures beside words
• Indicates desire by pointing
• Obeys simple instructions such as 'shut the door', and responds to simple questions such as 'Where's the cat?'
• Refers to himself by name
• Begins to wave his arms up and down, meaning 'start again', 'more', or 'I like it'
• Can identify that people may have desires…thinks that everyone feels the same as he does.

His Emotional and Social Development

• Knows where objects are kept... this reflects an increase in long-term memory
• Plays continuously alone... solitary play... but may like to be near a familiar adult or sibling
• Most likely to be independent, for example to dress himself
• Has the knowledge that others are fearful or anxious for him as he climbs on or off chairs
• Is likely to become frustrated, with occasional temper tantrums
• May show a sign of toilet needs by restless or words
• Is able to follow stories, enjoy stories and rhymes that include repetition.

Today we were playing a game where I wiggled my fingers and said "I'm gonna get you!!" then tickled her. When I stopped, she wiggled her own fingers and said 'I gonna get!"
We repeated and the next time she said "I get you!"
She can't quite get those 4 words, but she tried!

And this past weekend she was climbing the steps and her Nana told her to get down.
She turned around, sat down and said "I sit here"
Then climbed up one step, sat and said "I just sit here"
Climbed another and sat "I sit here...I sit"
She's one smart cookie!

Let's Discuss... Toys!

Ashlynn has tons of toys; Books, Tables, Baby Dolls, Toy Phones, A Teapot, Two Ride On Ponies.....
Then her favorite; A Busy Ball Popper.
But no, putting the balls into the toy and watching them pop up isn't her favorite thing to do. She loves it, don't get me wrong, but her favorite thing? That would be sticking a spoon or glue stick into it, then clapping. Over. And Over.
She'll "read" a book for a few seconds, flipping the pages while pointing and babbling, but she really has no interest.
Her little toys get played with for about 5 minutes a week, maybe 10.
Anything that plays music with become the "toy of the minute" for a little while each day,
but she spends at least 30 minutes playing with that Busy Ball Popper.
So wait..what does she do with the other time in her day?
Well, she has breakfast, lunch, and dinner. A nap around 1-2pm until 3 or 4, music time, sitting on the couch with Mommy to watch TV (which she isn't a big fan of, actually), playing with her aunties, playing with her Nana or Poppy, and bedtime around 8-8:30.
She's a busy girl!
So if you're ever looking for toy recommendations, try the Busy Ball Popper!
Play tables are also great because they make noise, play music, teach..and the one we have has a small bowl in the middle that I put snacks in!
Push toys are a hit and miss. With Ashlynn, they were a miss. She walked with her table more than her Stride To Ride Dino, and now she turns every toy into a push toy. And she's walking and RUNNING!
Baby Dolls are great for babies! Ashlynn knows to love hers nicely, and she's adorable with it.
If I may make a toy suggestion that I'm not sure exists...
Toy dog food and water!
She's obsessed with both and it drives me crazy!

And that's toys for ya!

Ashlynn and Male Figures In Her Life

Obviously Ashlynn's father is not in the picture. Nor will he ever be. It's a complicated situation, but he was out of the picture when I was 6 weeks pregnant. He was desperate to get away, and I let him. No use forcing something when she's better off without him.
But she still has male figures in her life that she adores.
First off is my stepfather. He comes home from work and her eyes light up. He doesn't exactly sit on the floor and play with her, but he'll give her hugs, tip her upside down so she can walk on the ceiling (He did it with my sisters bringing them to bed, so she wanted to do it too!), and she loves him half to death. But it's her Poppy, of course she loves him!
Then there's my girlfriend's husband. Ashlynn absolutely adores him as well. When we are at their place, he will play with her, tickle her, toss her into the air, chase her. She's actually followed him around before. He'd chase her back into the room (Imagine hearing thumps of feet and then hysterical giggles then seeing Ashlynn burst into the room laughing with him not far behind) and as soon as he left, she was toddling after him.
If things get more serious, she may consider him a father figure, and my girlfriend as a second mother.
Even in atypical situations like my own, my daughter is loved to the max by so many people. She has all she needs with her Nana (my mom), Poppy (my stepdad), O-Nana (My grandmother), Auntie Kenzie (my sister), Auntie Nikki (my other sister), Auntie Ney Ney (My best friend), and my girlfriend and her husband, and of course her Mama.
I do wish some people were more involved. Her father is not one of them, but my father is.
He spent my life messing around with things. He'd be there. Then he wouldn't. He'd show up to see me, then he wouldn't..and I'd wait in the window for hours. "Daddy will be here! He will!" and I'd watch all the cars driving by, hoping one was him. I remember it so sickeningly clear.
When I was older, he was there for a couple years. Then one night he said I could spend the night at a friend's house. He was drunk, I'm assuming, when he said it..because the next morning I woke up to find out that he called the police and said I ran away.
He has seen his granddaughter maybe twice, and only one time was by choice.
He never said what he wants to be called, never wished her a happy birthday, never showed up for her party..
So he was written off of her life for good.
No yo-yo'ing with my baby girl's emotions. No window watching, No crying.
I make my choices with her best interest at heart, and so far I seem to be doing a very good job of it. She's thriving and happy.

Her Birth Story

This time last year,
I was, as far as I remember, sitting on an exercise ball counting contractions!!!
I had been in labor since 6pm and we left for the hospital around 12:30am. My contractions were, at most, 1-2 minutes apart. Many had no spacings and it felt like a 10 minute long contraction!
When I arrived at the hospital, I was barely dilated.
Around 4:30 am I received Nubain (I believe) after fighting through painful contractions, one of which lasted 3 or 4 minutes and had me in tears by the end.
Around 7 or 8 am, they broke my water and told me that there was meconium (baby poop) in my water. So much for holding my baby after her birth.
After that, times are fuzzy.
I got the epidural after having a panic attack and getting anxiety medication through my IV at some point. Probably 8am or so.
My daughter's feet were in my ribs, so no amount of epidural boosts could ease that pain. And I got quite a few of them!
I stalled at 9 1/2 centimeters, then finally got to 10!
Pushing was ineffective, but my nurse assumed it was me who just wasn't trying hard enough.
She told me if I didn't push harder, She'd have them give me a c-section.
At that point, I hadn't even felt the need to push!!
Shortly after, I did and I pushed with all my might every contraction. I had no choice in the matter. My body made me.
After her angry glares, I finally told her "Fine. Get me the stupid C-section, this is obviously not working"
The doctor told me he was going to try using a vacuum, and after pushing, being vacuumed and having an episiotomy (quite a large one, at that!) my 8lb 14oz baby girl arrived at 7:21 pm January 28th, 2010. I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant.
I remember crying "the pain is gone!" and my mom tearfully told me "She's out! She's out!"
They rushed her away, All I saw were two little feet. I heard no crying until they suctioned her, and then burst into tears even more hearing her little cry.
My mom snuck over and got a picture. I saw my baby on a camera phone, then it got very hazy...

After her birth, They couldn't stop the bleeding. My blood pressure plummeted and I faintly remember a nurse pushing on my stomach and all I felt were gushes upon gushes of blood.
I started to pass out off and on, barely waking up long enough to say "Can I have some water? Can I have fruit?" My mom wouldn't leave my side, just told me she would soon. I didn't know why until they told me the next day.
They managed to stop the bleeding with a shot in my leg, which I barely remember.
I'm not sure what they did with my daughter while all this was going on. My mom was supposed to cut the cord, but she didn't. My perfect birth had gone horribly wrong.
They handed her to me at some point, and mama instinct immediately nursed her.
She was a pro, though the nurse insisted I use a nipple shield. I used it maybe twice before tossing it. It wasn't working and it was making me angry.
Low on blood, I dozed often. Usually while feeding my newborn.
The nurses repeatedly came in and took her from me, telling me they don't allow women to sleep with their babies in their arms.
The first time, my mom woke up to her crying and gave her to me.
The second time, my mom was sleeping deeply. She was exhausted.
So I cried along with my newborn, unable and not allowed to get out of bed.
In the morning, I received a blood transfusion. Not a happy mama!

I wasn't allowed up for a couple days.. So I didn't get to change her first diaper.
I didn't get to pick her up when she cried in the bed, so instead I held her in my arms.
When the nurses weren't in the room, I dozed, but I quickly learned to wake up the second I heard footsteps entering the room. They weren't taking my baby again.
For breakfast, I always had fruit, iced tea, and bacon. Sometimes a bagel,too.
Lunch was always a chicken salad sandwich (or two) with iced tea,
and dinner was turkey with potato and green beans. Again, with iced tea.
I had other options, but I chose comfort foods.
The pain was terrible, but it was all worth it.
We stayed a couple extra days because of me, then another day (maybe two?) because she was jaundice. I refused to allow them to give her a bottle (one nurse tried, without my consent, while standing a few feet away from me. Ashlynn refused to take the bottle. She screamed louder. I'm proud of my big girl!)
I believe we were there for 5 days.

Though the birth was not what I wanted it to be.. in any way.. It was all worth it for the most amazing child I have ever met in my life.
Mommy Loves You, Ashlynn Heather!

The Inevitable,

I knew my father's side of the family would eventually voice their opinions, so I tried to prepare myself.
But I didn't prepare myself enough, it seems.
My aunt told my grandmother (my father's mother, who is very, very religious) that I came out as a lesbian, and told me that it was okay, she would get used to it and that the rest of the family is okay with it. The want me happy.
I believed her until I spoke to my cousin.
My cousin informed me that my grandmother had asked her and my other aunt to pray for me.
Alright.. Tolerable I suppose.
My cousin also informed me that she didn't believe in my sexuality. She did not support it.
I asked if she was trying to pray me straight then.
She said no.
"its not a matter of being close minded its a matter of her faith/the familys faith and thats what we believe and we obviously dont hate you or stop loving you or anything we just all want to help you"
Help me? Help me with what?
Since when do I need help? I have an amazing daughter, I'm doing pretty well for myself, I have a very good relationship...
What exactly do I need help with? Becoming straight, of course!
We spoke for a bit and I asked her..
So, If I fall in love with a girl..it's not love to you?
Her reply?
"Lol of course not!!!"
Excuse me?
Love is love. It knows no gender, whether it be male and female, male and male, or female and female.
It got pretty heated after that.
As far as I'm concerned, if she can hop onto her soapbox to preach to me about my sexuality, she should follow the bible herself.
And, if you weren't aware, A woman who is not a virgin when married should be stoned to death.
A husband, according to the bible, needs a virgin to marry.
Premarital sex is frowned upon.
As are tattoos and piercings.
She has at least 3 piercings and was pregnant at her wedding.
But, as she claims, we don't follow the bible that closely.
Well why not? Why choose what you follow?

Either way, my daughter turns one tomorrow, and her birthday party is the day after, so I warned her that my sexuality is not to be brought up at any point.
If it is, the person who brings it up will have to leave immediately.
I'll hear them out, however. If I'm asked to "Help with something" (As I'm sure my grandmother will do) and it is brought up, I will listen, say "Thanks for your opinion, but I am who I am and I'm not changing for you, but I believe it's time you leave", then walk away.
My mom and I already agreed that all I'll have to do is signal to her and she will take care of whoever dares cause drama.
The party is to celebrate my daughter turning one, not to question my choices or sexuality.