Her Birth Story

This time last year,
I was, as far as I remember, sitting on an exercise ball counting contractions!!!
I had been in labor since 6pm and we left for the hospital around 12:30am. My contractions were, at most, 1-2 minutes apart. Many had no spacings and it felt like a 10 minute long contraction!
When I arrived at the hospital, I was barely dilated.
Around 4:30 am I received Nubain (I believe) after fighting through painful contractions, one of which lasted 3 or 4 minutes and had me in tears by the end.
Around 7 or 8 am, they broke my water and told me that there was meconium (baby poop) in my water. So much for holding my baby after her birth.
After that, times are fuzzy.
I got the epidural after having a panic attack and getting anxiety medication through my IV at some point. Probably 8am or so.
My daughter's feet were in my ribs, so no amount of epidural boosts could ease that pain. And I got quite a few of them!
I stalled at 9 1/2 centimeters, then finally got to 10!
Pushing was ineffective, but my nurse assumed it was me who just wasn't trying hard enough.
She told me if I didn't push harder, She'd have them give me a c-section.
At that point, I hadn't even felt the need to push!!
Shortly after, I did and I pushed with all my might every contraction. I had no choice in the matter. My body made me.
After her angry glares, I finally told her "Fine. Get me the stupid C-section, this is obviously not working"
The doctor told me he was going to try using a vacuum, and after pushing, being vacuumed and having an episiotomy (quite a large one, at that!) my 8lb 14oz baby girl arrived at 7:21 pm January 28th, 2010. I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant.
I remember crying "the pain is gone!" and my mom tearfully told me "She's out! She's out!"
They rushed her away, All I saw were two little feet. I heard no crying until they suctioned her, and then burst into tears even more hearing her little cry.
My mom snuck over and got a picture. I saw my baby on a camera phone, then it got very hazy...

After her birth, They couldn't stop the bleeding. My blood pressure plummeted and I faintly remember a nurse pushing on my stomach and all I felt were gushes upon gushes of blood.
I started to pass out off and on, barely waking up long enough to say "Can I have some water? Can I have fruit?" My mom wouldn't leave my side, just told me she would soon. I didn't know why until they told me the next day.
They managed to stop the bleeding with a shot in my leg, which I barely remember.
I'm not sure what they did with my daughter while all this was going on. My mom was supposed to cut the cord, but she didn't. My perfect birth had gone horribly wrong.
They handed her to me at some point, and mama instinct immediately nursed her.
She was a pro, though the nurse insisted I use a nipple shield. I used it maybe twice before tossing it. It wasn't working and it was making me angry.
Low on blood, I dozed often. Usually while feeding my newborn.
The nurses repeatedly came in and took her from me, telling me they don't allow women to sleep with their babies in their arms.
The first time, my mom woke up to her crying and gave her to me.
The second time, my mom was sleeping deeply. She was exhausted.
So I cried along with my newborn, unable and not allowed to get out of bed.
In the morning, I received a blood transfusion. Not a happy mama!

I wasn't allowed up for a couple days.. So I didn't get to change her first diaper.
I didn't get to pick her up when she cried in the bed, so instead I held her in my arms.
When the nurses weren't in the room, I dozed, but I quickly learned to wake up the second I heard footsteps entering the room. They weren't taking my baby again.
For breakfast, I always had fruit, iced tea, and bacon. Sometimes a bagel,too.
Lunch was always a chicken salad sandwich (or two) with iced tea,
and dinner was turkey with potato and green beans. Again, with iced tea.
I had other options, but I chose comfort foods.
The pain was terrible, but it was all worth it.
We stayed a couple extra days because of me, then another day (maybe two?) because she was jaundice. I refused to allow them to give her a bottle (one nurse tried, without my consent, while standing a few feet away from me. Ashlynn refused to take the bottle. She screamed louder. I'm proud of my big girl!)
I believe we were there for 5 days.

Though the birth was not what I wanted it to be.. in any way.. It was all worth it for the most amazing child I have ever met in my life.
Mommy Loves You, Ashlynn Heather!